“Amy your tests results came back and you do have Type 1 diabetes. I was attending diabetes education classes and seeing numerous doctors. …

Title: 10-08-07

Diabetes wow that is a pretty scary word What is more scary is
the responsibility that comes with that word Checking your blood sugar 5
times a day, two types of insulin to inject, and eventually switching to
the pump, and Carb counting to name a few Carb counting? Huh? Emergency
shot pens, in case you slip into a hyperglycemic shock/coma Nice And now
you have to have an endocrinologist, podiatrist diabetes can lead to
problems with the feet, and a eye doctor to make sure you dont have
diabetes in your eyes And by the way, if you do not take care of yourself
you can expect heart disease and kidney disease I forgot one last thing;
you also are at a higher risk for periodontal disease Wonderful Anything
else?
Amy your tests results came back and you do have Type 1 diabetes
Im sorry, you need to call me back as soon as you know when you can come
back home to set up a doctors appointment I couldnt believe what I just
heard For the past week, I laughed at myself that I even got the test
There was no way I had diabetes This really couldnt be happening As I
stood outside Baldy Hall, I just watched for a moment as everyone walked by
me I wondered if they
knew my life had changed at that very moment As I
walked back into my classroom, I was in a daze However, I told myself, at
least I wasnt crying As soon as I took my seat I could feel the tears
start to build up Oh no, here it comes, I thought Tears just streamed
down my face I couldnt hold it in I couldnt catch my breath All of the
sudden I just blurted it out Im sorry but I just found out that I have
diabetes After I said that, I couldnt stop crying For gosh sakes Amy
get a hold of yourself, I kept saying over and over in my head
My professor stopped the lecture, with the permission of the rest of
the class to just be there in the moment with me She asked if the class
had anything they wanted to say Some did and some just gave me a
compassionate, Im sorry, kind of look Either way it still meant a lot It
was uncomfortable and Im sure it was uncomfortable for others When
someone is in pain, it isnt always that easy to be with them in those
kinds of moments But that is just what I needed Im so grateful for that
The professor and the rest of the class gave me permission to cry and be
vulnerable It was bad enough getting that awful, life changing diagnosis,
but to then
breakdown in your classroom, thats unthinkable Now looking
back, there was no place I would have rather been then in 219 Baldy
During the next several weeks this professor told me to take care of
myself, and also to keep her updated At first I seemed to be doing ok
with everything I was attending diabetes education classes and seeing
numerous doctors But at some point I just became overloaded and consumed
with fear which then turned into denial A deep denial I started to not
take care of myself, mainly not taking my insulin properly on purpose
Im a very smart girl, but we all have our moments My parents felt it
would be best to talk to a counselor However, since Im not from here, I
wasnt sure who to ask Sometimes its not always easy admitting that we
need help I was skeptical to ask my professor for her help However, when
I finally did ask her it was a lot easier then I thought I knew that she
had my best interest in mind and that she cared She stressed over and over
that we need to take care of ourselves and so forth She took a lot of time
out of her busy schedule to continue to ask about my progress and provide
me with encouraging words and thoughts when needed

I will be gradating this May As I sit with my fellow classmates
during our graduation ceremony, I can only anticipate the thoughts that
will be going through my mind I most likely will reflect on my experience
here at UB I will be leaving UB with two degrees lots of knowledge,
priceless memories, life long friendships, a fiancée, and a professor that
essentially was there for me in one of the hardest times in my life Im
grateful to her and always will be Im grateful to her because she taught
me the most important lesson and that is, sometimes it is in are darkest
moments that we want to give up and think that we will never find the
light However you cant give up and have to have faith that you will find
that light She reminded me that it is ok to ask for help when you need it
Never be ashamed no matter how big or small you think a problem is She
reminded that everything will be ok and never forget that this too shall
pass Im not sure if being totally ok with having diabetes will pass But
I know that feeling of hopelessness and anger will pass And if it is ever
to creep back in and I find myself in a dark place again I will think of
Sue Green And instantly I will be reminded of
what she taught me I also
will never forget how she made it a point to let her students know that
she cares for them What a powerful gift, and one that I will be grateful
for the rest of my life
October 8, 2007 was the day my life had changed I can honestly say
it changed for the better Im stronger now